I LOVE YOU
Image courtesy of Things are better with a parrot
Remember Valentines Day as a kid? You prayed mom would let you get the valentines that had little tootsie rolls in them (because everyone always wanted one of those). Candy or not you diligently wrote the name of each of your classmates on the pieces of glossy cardboard slightly smaller than index cards. It was a lesson: You gave EVERYONE a Valentines Day card. Sure, somewhere along the line you got didn’t get a card, and got a lesson in rejection. Hey, a lesson is a lesson. And now that you’re older you can appreciate all the Valentines you did get.
But, it seems, these days a lot of energy goes into rejecting Valentines Day. I myself thought about throwing a “Black Thursday” party. “Down with Valentines Day!” I said. Then finally I asked myself - “Why?” With all the memories that led me to write the paragraph above, and a little nuanced reflection, and I’ve made the decision that I truly believe we should celebrate Valentines Day. But the very thought raises objections all around. These are the top three I’ve heard:
A. “It’s a Hallmark holiday”
B. “You should be sweet to your partner everyday, if you need Valentine’s Day there’s a problem.”
C. “It’s too expensive to: 1. Buy flowers 2. Go out to dinner 3. Buy the requisite 5 pounds of Godiva”
The reality:
“A” is just totally False
“B” is True AND False
“C” Totally True (but why should that stop you?)
Is Valentine’s Day a Hallmark holiday? No. It has a history that goes way before Hallmark. Hallmark did what any good American corporation worth its salt should do, and has capitalized - in a big way - on Valentine’s Day. But it’s not “Administrative Professionals” day which, to my knowledge, IS pretty much a Hallmark holiday.
Hallmark sells Christmas cards too. Have we decided that Christmas has become an overblown retail holiday? Yes, actually. BUT, how many of us still participate? We haven’t decided that the retail industry’s occupation of the holiday is grounds for rejecting spending time with friends and family and exchanging gifts. We haven’t let Christmas fall victim to industry-focused moral outrage. Why should Valentines Day suffer such a fate?
I can appreciate the notion that we should be sweet to our partners all the time, we should! But it’s good to stop and, as a whole, have a day dedicated to it too! I say let’s make it even bigger! We almost never stop to say something like, “I LOVE YOU in the way that only a cubicle mate can love another cubicle mate,” to a co-worker. Not so keen on them? How about the UPS carrier? I’m serious! Let’s take back this day and celebrate it with “I LOVE YOUs” all around. On Valentines Day we’ll make sure we take a moment to appreciate and love each other, in the same way that we stop to give thanks that mildly random Thursday in November. If, in this society, we need an excuse to say I LOVE YOU to one another, let Valentine’s Day be that day.
I can understand people getting frustrated at the 50% markup on red roses, and dinner reservations that need to be booked on Jan 2. That’s expensive and frustrating. AND it’s not what Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about–at all. If you’re in a coupling, Valentines Day can be celebrated by a a little wine and a homemade meal. (Or pizza by candlelight, if you fear the stove like me.) Just do a little something - for yourself and your partner - that stands out, even if just a little. If you’re not in a coupling, Valentine’s Day should be no less fun! Let’s de-stigmatize this as some sort of couples-only holiday. Let’s throw parties at the office, after work… let’s take the time to acknowledge and - YES - LOVE the other people who are a part of your daily lives, be they parents, baristas, even fellow commuters - wouldn’t they be wonderfully surprised!
We are making ourselves greater victims of the industry by wasting our efforts and energy expressing our moral outrage than celebrating it on our own grounds. We can reject the industry model AND still celebrate it as a wonderful holiday, acknowledging friends, family, and partners. Valentines Day 2009 expect to hear me say it loud and clear: I LOVE YOU!
