The (Facebook) Arc of Despair
I heart Facebook. Not ashamed to admit it, I really do. The “why” I offer to n00bs is this: I have two half-sisters by my father and one-half sister by my mother. The math on this is irrelevant, what is relevant is that despite being separated across three states and in one case a total lack of blood relation, my three sisters and I are ALL constantly in touch. Despite the fact that they haven’t seen each other in four years, my mother’s daughter (Joy) knows as much about my father’s daughter’s (Hannah’s) first semester of college as I do. I think that’s pretty amazing.
But, the truth is, I’m just pretty much the same exhibitionist that all other Facebookers who bother with status updates are. Somehow messaging the Facebook world of something in my life brings a validation I didn’t used to lack, but somehow, apparently need. As much as I love hearing about how my sisters are doing, I’m equally eager to keep them in the loop of “what’s up with Aubree” via status updates and posted links. But I need to be mindful of my larger audience, as the private life of me and my sisters gives way to a larger audience on Facebook. Vanessa Rhinesmith in her blog Left Behind Bottle Caps writes:
How do you define [your] space - public v. private, physical v. virtual? This is something that I’m continually pondering as I reassess my involvement in various physical and virtual communities. [...] Take Facebook, in some ways it is very easy to control how I navigate within this space - I control who I friend, which requests I accept and the options that are selected for the account. However, I am aware of my responsibility as a participant and am mindful of how I want to be perceived within the space.
Defining those spaces is difficult, especially when one begins to realize you cannot “have it all,” despite the promises of technology. I too, am mindful of how I want to be perceived within these virtual spaces… the problem is that how I want, or more to the point - need - to be perceived it is constantly changing. My Facebook profile once had 15 friends who I bored and entertained with alternating lame and revelatory status updates. Now I boast many more friends, many of whom are more like ‘friends’ than friends (more like acquaintances) and even some “friends” (sometimes I’m just too polite to decline a request). Originally I wanted to have fun with Facebook, after all, it was 15 people I knew, loved, and couldn’t offend even if I tried.
But now there are these ‘friends’ and “friends” to consider. My famed weekly 11pm “is a karaoke superstar” update no longer seems appropriate, especially if I owe a Facebook friend overdue work, or work with a FB friend who expects me to have my game on for a 9am meeting the next day. Recently I have been ill, and although Facebook would have been a convenient way to keep close friends posted on my progress, I simply knew I’d be unable to respond with “thank yous” to the many acquaintances who would, by some bizarre social power of the internet, feel obliged to write “What’s wrong? Hope you feel better soon!” on my wall, or drop me a FB message. Worse, it could be perceived as a broadcast excuse for something, or a pathetic cry for attention.
It is the pending “next shift” in how I use my Facebook profile that is the most saddening. Not only do I feel I can no longer be too outrageous (”is hula-hooping to ‘Genie in a Bottle’), nor personal (”is struggling through the pain to go outside for a bit”), but now I have a new impression I want - nope, not want, NEED - to convey: A professional one.
When I graduate in May I will be starting a business managing social profiles for artists and business people who understand that they need to have an active online social presence but have neither the time, energy, nor interest to do so. Like wearing make-up to sell Avon, my own sites must exude the fullest potential of social media networking. My hopelessly unattended LinkedIn page, my neglected MySpace page, and this here blog need to be flourishing, shining examples for my (potential) customers to envy. And my Facebook page? ::sigh:: My Facebook page. No longer will this be a place where I can celebrate and whine about life’s ups and downs; no longer will I be able to use my status updates to send cryptic messages and inside jokes to friends; no longer will this is a place of personal expression, but, instead, a place of professional projection. A clean and pressed suit to go along with the rest of my presentation.
I sense the pending shift and mourn, already, the loss of my whimsical Facebook profile. Yes, I am mindful of how I want to be perceived, and even moreso of how I need to be perceived. As time goes on, my awareness and ability to control how others perceive me is turning out to be this entrepreneurs’ goldmine… and also a bit of a bummer.
Tags: Facebook, family, LinkedIn, MySpace, personality, social_profiles, vrhinesmith
